Top 5 Wesley Moments

In honor of our muse David Wesley, I decided to emulate the Master and create a top 5 list of David Wesley moments.

1) Boarding the Pig – At the Jones Beach Roger Waters concert I attended with Wesley, he grabbed hold of a restraining-cable grounding a large inflatable pig and quietly climbed aboard the neck of the ballooned beast. When the moment in the show came to release the dirigible, it was Wesley who caught the crowd's attention as he floated into the air mounted on the pig’s collar. With thunderous applause from the audience, Wesley, in characteristically good form, somersaulted off the tip of the pig’s nose and into the arms of the adoring throng. Roger Waters himself then grabbed Wesley from fans at the front of the stage and personally escorted him backstage into the Green Room.

2) The International Sampler – Rumor mills were buzzing with the news, last year, that Wesley was seen emerging from a double-stretch limousine with about 10 women, each representing a distinct geographical region of Earth. As they boarded the elevator to the Presidential Suite of the W Hotel, David was heard assuring one of the expectant women “I love all god’s women, and each of you will get your turn”.

3) Unheralded Hot Dog Champion – At last year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog eating competition, Wesley arrived with a group of admirers to the Boardwalk, where he approached the Nathan’s counter and ordered 70 hot dogs and 10 glasses of water. When he was served, he instructed one member of the wait staff to begin her stopwatch. He proceeded to eat all 70 dogs in under one minute, crushing the world record only paces from the actual competition. When offered the World Champion’s belt by a humbled Kobayashi, Wesley brushed it off and said “I was just havin’ a snack. Give that belt to someone who needs it.”

4) Not a Cheesehead- In 2009, David was awarded the “Key to the City” in Madison Wisconsin, the town where he famously made his debut, selling nearly 2 metric tons of ascorbic acid to a local pharmaceutical firm. Wesley took the key and, in a breathless moment, gave it to a child suffering from cerebral palsy who had accompanied him onstage.

5) Stouffer’s Loafers – One brisk morning last year, in the depths of the Great Recession, Wesley paid a visit to an unemployment office in signature style. Piloting a refrigerated delivery truck, Wesley skidded to an angled stop in front of the government building and swung the truck doors open to reveal stacks of un-cooked Stouffer’s frozen meals. With a gliding arm gesture Wesley motioned to the down-trodden to have at the bounty. He walked away from the scene with his hands warming in his pocket, the tableau of satisfied admirers blurring in the distance.