Top 5 Wesley Moments

In honor of our muse David Wesley, I decided to emulate the Master and create a top 5 list of David Wesley moments.

1) Boarding the Pig – At the Jones Beach Roger Waters concert I attended with Wesley, he grabbed hold of a restraining-cable grounding a large inflatable pig and quietly climbed aboard the neck of the ballooned beast. When the moment in the show came to release the dirigible, it was Wesley who caught the crowd's attention as he floated into the air mounted on the pig’s collar. With thunderous applause from the audience, Wesley, in characteristically good form, somersaulted off the tip of the pig’s nose and into the arms of the adoring throng. Roger Waters himself then grabbed Wesley from fans at the front of the stage and personally escorted him backstage into the Green Room.

2) The International Sampler – Rumor mills were buzzing with the news, last year, that Wesley was seen emerging from a double-stretch limousine with about 10 women, each representing a distinct geographical region of Earth. As they boarded the elevator to the Presidential Suite of the W Hotel, David was heard assuring one of the expectant women “I love all god’s women, and each of you will get your turn”.

3) Unheralded Hot Dog Champion – At last year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog eating competition, Wesley arrived with a group of admirers to the Boardwalk, where he approached the Nathan’s counter and ordered 70 hot dogs and 10 glasses of water. When he was served, he instructed one member of the wait staff to begin her stopwatch. He proceeded to eat all 70 dogs in under one minute, crushing the world record only paces from the actual competition. When offered the World Champion’s belt by a humbled Kobayashi, Wesley brushed it off and said “I was just havin’ a snack. Give that belt to someone who needs it.”

4) Not a Cheesehead- In 2009, David was awarded the “Key to the City” in Madison Wisconsin, the town where he famously made his debut, selling nearly 2 metric tons of ascorbic acid to a local pharmaceutical firm. Wesley took the key and, in a breathless moment, gave it to a child suffering from cerebral palsy who had accompanied him onstage.

5) Stouffer’s Loafers – One brisk morning last year, in the depths of the Great Recession, Wesley paid a visit to an unemployment office in signature style. Piloting a refrigerated delivery truck, Wesley skidded to an angled stop in front of the government building and swung the truck doors open to reveal stacks of un-cooked Stouffer’s frozen meals. With a gliding arm gesture Wesley motioned to the down-trodden to have at the bounty. He walked away from the scene with his hands warming in his pocket, the tableau of satisfied admirers blurring in the distance.

Weight loss tips from DW...

In David's most recent entry to Suite 101, he plumbs the depths of phenotypic possibility with a round-up of weight-loss suggestions. We get fat, gorging ourselves on his how-to-get-skinny tips!

To start off, David implores us to "..take a run". This no doubt refers to his and our exploration of psychedelic mediums from which David regularly reveals inspiration (see: "Four Unintentionally Hilarious Films") . With his typical guile, David restrains our enthusiasm with a strident "...its not always the right exercise plan for asthmatics or arthritis sufferers". We arent fooled by this end-run around his initial admonition, yet we are still intrigued, as always, to read on.

Never shy to display his expansive mathematical insight, David cruises past the universal speed limit with a bold paragraph, entitled: "Instead of Three Meals a Day, Eat Five Smaller Meals". After a few minutes away from the computer screen with my head buried in a calculator, I am beginning to see where he is going with this. Ill post an update when my grasp is firm enough to elucidate this calculation, but for now Ill leave it as the open question Wesley intends it to be.

We are left with the bitter taste of Wesleyan futility, when in his last paragraph he offers this piece of circular logic: "You may want to lose weight fast for a wedding, but remember, you'll probably over-compensate with large meals at the event and later on." This classic "snake eating its tail" nuance leaves us staggering in an effort to retain hold of our perception of reality whilst attempting to keep our weight reasonable.

Is it possible to stay thin amidst so much cognitive dissonance? Is there a point to any of this "weight-loss" hysteria? Is fat good? Bad? In quintessential form, Wesley leaves all of these questions open to interpretation.

Me? Im gunna has a cheezburger...

David posts a review of the Rally to Restore Sanity!

On this inaugural review of David Wesley Review Review, we analyze David's recent review of his trip down to DC for the Rally to Restore Sanity. You can find the original article here: http://www.suite101.com/content/a-weekend-in-dc-at-the-rally-to-restore-sanity-andor-fear-a303143

David starts his review explaining what the rally was and who spear-headed the concept. But after constructing the situational scaffolding , David blasts forth with an unbridled review that captures what happened in stunningly crisp detail. His references are of their usual precise nature, with David referring to the "Jumbotron", a classic allusion to the huge screens found at events of much smaller magnitude than the aforementioned rally. From here the reader is expected to hang on for dear life and David careens from moment to moment with breath-taking wizardry!

From the paragraph entitled "Wanderlust Observation" to a devious reference to Tesla's classic cover "Signs, Signs Everywhere is Signs" David jumps down the rabbit-hole of observational punditry and dares the reader to follow. Is it the Red Pill? the Blue Pill? We trust that David will show us, if only the moment before he vanishes into thin air, resurfacing on the next level of articulation well beyond our cognitive grasp.

I dont want to ruin the ending for you, but I'd like to tease where David takes us for his last paragraph. Beginning with the sentence "A great idea is worth more than a 9-5 job" Wesley launches into a distant corner of perception and expectation with a perspective rarely seen in his prior work.

This is a highly recommended recommendation, a thumbs-up review of David's review. Check out his review before it gets buried with more work, and you get left in the dust!