Readers: attached is a note from noted journalist Bill Searchman, who recently made contact with the wraith-like DW as he crosses the country, saving and penetrating. Since I have been sidelined of late, nursing an acute addiction to pharmaceutical pain killers and highly potent marijuana, I'm happy to pass along this colorful report of our generations icon that Bill sent to me this evening:
"DWRR Readers,
It is with esteemed pleasure that I joyfully announce I recently spoke with David Wesley via Skype for a few minutes as his whereabouts for the latter part of 2011 have remained a mystery. He assured me that he has been living up to his glorious reputation. Indeed, I was absolutely floored by his whimsical energy and joie de vivre.
Dear friends, our fellow humanitarian David Wesley is alive and well. In November, he flew off for a short rendezvous at the Playboy Mansion, where Hugh Hefner personally honored him with the esteemed "Legendary Womanizing Humanitarian" award from the Guinness Book of World Records. As of November 2011, he currently holds the world record for charming over 10,355 big breasted women. Hefner later recalled getting a phone call from basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain congratulating Wesley for his stunning achievement but Hefner admitted that Chamberlain weeped incessantly. His three night stay there would put many hedonists to shame. From there, he flew to the Mississippi Delta rallying his followers over the injustices of income inequality and marched with hundreds of sycophants ( over 33% were big breasted women), to Washington D.C. where they had a glorious cook out in front of the White House.
Several lobbyists stopped in awe to watch Wesley with his hightop, white cooking hat that read "Die Lobbyist Scum." It was then that something utterly supernatural occurred, an event of biblical proportions. The smoke from the spare ribs on the grill seemingly took on a life of its own, smothering several lobbyists. As some of them coughed and begged for mercy, Wesley was heard saying, "Today, we rebuild a new America" The thunderous applause nearly broke the sound barrier. Through the smoke, one nameless lobbyist from Chase Bank looked on in awe as Wesley was seen cavorting and fornicating with several big breasted brunettes on the White House lawn. When the smoke cleared, he was gone. In his wake, our humanitarian hero not only gained a newly minted legion of politicians and lobbyists in Washington who now consider themselves "Wesleyians" but an esteemed group of political criminals seriously considering backing him for a 2016 White House run.
Until the next carrier pigeon lands on my shoulder,
Bill Searchman"
wbb
To my fans, friends, and family,
ReplyDeleteHey all..this is Wyatt. I have recently discovered that some nutjob named David Wesley has hacked into my blog and is using my likeness to boast about some of his outrageous claims. Needless to say, I am pretty upset about this and just want to assure everyone that I have had no correspondence with this nut and will be reporting him to the proper authorities. He even hacked into my IMDB profile, and said he was me under an alternate name. From what I read, he is some notorious underground, anarchist spewing out his pink liberal bullshit, galavanting around the globe like Julian Assange and seems to be some sort of maniacal sex fiend. I think the above pic of me was taken by one of Wesley's henchmen while I was partying with some friends at the Peculiar Pub on Bleeker Street.
My last blog post was in July, when I posted a eulogy about my dad's passing. In May, I landed a job at Citigroup as an AV Technician and have been pursuing my screenwriting and songwriting after work hours. My tv pilot "Centauri Casino" is in three script contests and I'm rewriting someone else's script over at Amazon Studios where I could be in the running to win anywhere between $500-$5000. I've also managed to squeeze in some dates at How About We.com and still playing some poker. I hope to find a steady girlfriend in 2012.
I'll be monitoring my blog more often and please, send me a quick email if you find another post from this whack job.
Regards and Happy 2012,
Wyatt
Reader,
ReplyDeleteI was disappointed to read your post, as its clear you are not hip to the worlds-most-intriguing-man. Though it might be the case that he resembles you, and in some surface manner, might live life in a way that seems to be related to you and your life. But rest assured, it is only coincidence. DW is a one of a kind. He is, and only he is, DW. So, please read on, share your thoughts and consider applying within for the available job of body-double. DW is always looking for men who can keep busy the throngs of women clamoring for his attention.