Occupy Wall St. got a much needed boost today when international enigma and self-styled “extroverted recluse” David Wesley burst onto the scene to offer words of wisdom to the fight weary crowd. The people coalesced quickly around the femme-aficionado as he serenaded the protesters with inspiration belted from a horn carved from a rhinoceros he rescued from African poachers in his “Safari Period” that later died of old age.
Not one to hold back, Wesley implored the women in the crowd to “break free of your bindings, and remove your brassieres!”. His suggestion was met with a blizzard of bras thrown from all directions, and a wave of freedom washing over the protestors as the chains of oppression were broken. It was at this point that he was lifted, seemingly miraculously, to the height of two men and walked stridently towards the façade of Goldman Sach’s headquarters. With a swift and confident blow he lashed forth one clenched fist and with a thunderous boom, put a crack in the foundation of the building, rattling the occupants and thrilling the protestors. He turned around and faced the crowd and asked them to “Roar like thunder for freedom!” and with that the crowd began to rumble out a groaning yell that shook the ground of downtown NYC. Behind him the crack he made with his furious punch started to grow and snake its way up the side of the building, faster as it got higher, until it reached the top and split the building in half. With a sound matched only by the crowd’s roar, the building began to fall behind him enveloping Wesley and the stunned protestors in grey dust.
When the cloud settled, the quiet shock was pierced with a thunderous cheer as Wesley emerged unscathed, one foot on the pile of bricks, and another on the neck of Lloyd Blankfein, who could be heard impishly declaring “…whatever you want Wesley!...YOU WIN!”
It was a few hours before anyone realized he was gone, on to another town’s protest, on to another win. He filled his limo with a few bra-less ladies, some fried chicken and beer. And I was there, as always, his confidant and biographer…glad to bear witness to the man of our generation.